Photo 17 Aug 189 notes (via reasoningwithvampires)
Text 17 Aug 3 notes My wife loves to read horribly negative reviews on Goodreads and here’s one we found of Twilight

my name is bella. bella swan. here’s what stephenie didn’t tell you. it’s super-duper-important.

on the morning after it rained, it was rainy outside and i frowned at it being so rainy all the time. i chuckled to myself, darn weather! i stared at the rain outside, which is where they usually keep the rain. there was never any rain in phoenix. i love phoenix. i hate rain. 


i tripped over a large air pocket on my bedroom floor and bashed my skull into the corner of my bookcase, which had three shelves and was faux wood veneer. after i applied cold compresses and stanched most of the bleeding, i drove to school, but they must have moved the school building across town. i chuckled to myself, darn school moving people!


after i drove around for a few hours looking for where they put the building, edward cullen pulled up alongside me in his shiny, silver volvo, which was silver and a saab, i think. his well-muscled chest was riding shotgun, wearing a blue-gray waffle knit long-sleeved t-shirt, relaxed fit jeans with contrast stitching in a lightly distressed wash, and an ivory-colored jacket made from the dyed skins of clubbed baby seals. he dressed very well, like someone who wears nice clothes.


his well-muscled chest waved to me like an old friend, but edward glowered at me from the driver’s seat. his eyes were black. i think he came down with glaucoma.


even though he glared at me and gave me the finger, he smiled and told me to follow him to school. he knew where they kept it. i wonder how he found out. but just then, i nearly tripped over my gas pedal and fell through the windshield. i am so clumsy. when we got to school, edward’s well-muscled chest walked me to english class. 


"try to be careful in there," the chest giggled while at the same time giving me a sinister sideward glance that made the blood in the veins under my skin in my body feel ice-cold.


"haha," i giggled, tapping the chest on its rippling pectorals. "very funny," i then said running my finger around his kennedy-half-dollar sized nipples. "i’ll try to be careful," i joked, alarmed at the unearthly chill emitted by his taut obliques.


everyone stared at us in the hallway, which was a long interior space allowing access to various doors. the students were wearing clothes and talking and carrying books. through the windows of the classroom which looked onto the out-of-doors, i could see the rain was still raining outside. then i tripped over my clitoris and fell into a galvanized steel av cart on casters. three people were seriously injured.


i chuckled and turn bright red. how embarrassing.


at the end of the school day edward cullen came to walk me to my car. his chest was nowhere to be seen. probably at banana republic or out hunting mountain lions again. i chuckled to myself, darn chest!


"where’s my car?" i giggled after chuckling for a while.


"don’t you remember that you totaled it this morning when you drove into the orphan’s hospital?" he said. he was looking at me with his eyes. he gave me his ivory jacket to keep me dry from the rain, which is usually very wet. then he looked at me again, smiling with the right half of his mouth but frowning with the left half of his mouth and oddly expressionless in the middle part of his mouth.


"you know," i said, falling over a parking bumper into a rack of bicycles, "rain isn’t the only thing there is that gets me wet."


"let’s just be friends," he hissed, arching an eyebrow, flexing his sinewy wrists, and flaring his beautiful muscular nostrils.


i realized then he might be a vampire. or really gay. or a really gay vampire. 


i should have known. he had erasure cassettes in the car.

Photo 16 Aug 152,289 notes thedailyflautist:

coldcoffee030:

time-doesnt-wait-for-me:

littlegracenote:

umbreon-ite:

Ah yes, the flute

that’s a trumpet

thats obviously a bass clarinet

I thought it was a saxophone

Pretty sure this is a flute guys

thedailyflautist:

coldcoffee030:

time-doesnt-wait-for-me:

littlegracenote:

umbreon-ite:

Ah yes, the flute

that’s a trumpet

thats obviously a bass clarinet

I thought it was a saxophone

Pretty sure this is a flute guys

Text 16 Aug 156 notes

giraffepoliceforce:

If you’re Christian I hope you don’t look down on others or treat them poorly just because they look or act or live or suffer differently than you do because that literally goes against every message Christ gave his life to deliver.

Photo 16 Aug 191,098 notes irl-spain:

samanthabarxx:

how do you giggle in french

honhonhon oui oui baguette

irl-spain:

samanthabarxx:

how do you giggle in french

honhonhon oui oui baguette

Photo 16 Aug 30 notes therebedragonshere:

Army of Shelaman!
(From Neylan McBaine’s “Women at Church”)

therebedragonshere:

Army of Shelaman!

(From Neylan McBaine’s “Women at Church”)

Video 15 Aug 58,652 notes

ladyhistory:

snowingphoenix:

you sarcastic little shits

THIS IS BEAUTIFUL

Quote 14 Aug 276,965 notes
I’m an adult, but not like a real adult
— 

anyone between the ages of 18 and 25 (via prettyboystyles)

I think you mean anyone over 18. I’ve spoken with 50 year olds who informed me they don’t feel like adults.

(via keylimepie)

Photo 13 Aug 97,342 notes evilqueenapologist:

sbahjification:

neocarleen:

llisbeth-salamanderr:

“Love the fetus, hate the child.”
America makes it near impossible for a woman to stay autonomous—hard to get family planning resources/make the choice of getting an abortion, and harder to get child care support after the baby is born. Leaving women destitute and dependants everywhere.

Look at Canada! Not only do we give almost a full year off, it can be either maternity or paternity. That’s right, daddy can stay home with the baby while the mother goes back to work. And the leave can be also be split between them. For example, the mother could take six months, and then the father could take the other six. Did I also mention that the parent on leave continues to receive pay and is guaranteed their job back?

#I think we make fun of Canadians so much because secretly we want to be them

Canada and Norway be all like “RAISE DEM KIDS YO!”
America is all like “FUCK YOU FOR HAVING KIDS!”

It’s because the Religious Right doesn’t give a crap about fetuses. They just want to control who has sex when and with whom.

evilqueenapologist:

sbahjification:

neocarleen:

llisbeth-salamanderr:

“Love the fetus, hate the child.”


America makes it near impossible for a woman to stay autonomous—hard to get family planning resources/make the choice of getting an abortion, and harder to get child care support after the baby is born. Leaving women destitute and dependants everywhere.

Look at Canada! Not only do we give almost a full year off, it can be either maternity or paternity. That’s right, daddy can stay home with the baby while the mother goes back to work. And the leave can be also be split between them. For example, the mother could take six months, and then the father could take the other six. Did I also mention that the parent on leave continues to receive pay and is guaranteed their job back?

Canada and Norway be all like “RAISE DEM KIDS YO!”

America is all like “FUCK YOU FOR HAVING KIDS!”

It’s because the Religious Right doesn’t give a crap about fetuses. They just want to control who has sex when and with whom.

(Source: psannie)

Quote 13 Aug 28,100 notes
You are not IN the universe, you ARE the universe, an intrinsic part of it. Ultimately you are not a person, but a focal point where the universe is becoming conscious of itself. What an amazing miracle.
— Eckhart Tolle (via ethereal-innocence)

(Source: uglygirlboy)


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